Overtime
by savstrelley
Summary: Kanda had just returned from a long day at work and all he wanted to do was relax at home. Much to his dismay, Allen had other things on his mind. Yullen. Complete CRACK. AU. One-shot.


**Hello! I have returned with a different pairing this time. This is a one-shot crack fic that I wrote at 2am just for the shits and giggles. I thought it turned out pretty decent for a crack fic. I actually wrote it on tumblr due to extreme boredome, but decided "why not, I might as well post it here." Unfortunately for you there is NO explicit sex (i know, waaah. maybe next time), just masturbation and implications of it. You'll see if you read it. ^.^ I'll probably be making a bunch of sequels and I bet at least one of them will have hot yullen sekkusu so don't worry. ;3**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Title: Phone Sex (I changed the name on the title because of FF guidelines)  
Pairing: Kanda/Allen (D. Gray-Man)  
World: AU  
Rating: M  
Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man, obviously. Or else I wouldn't be writing fanfiction and it would actually be happening in the series.

* * *

It all started with a long day at work. I had to face yet another dreadful day of unpaid over-time, but at least one thing good came out of the day, the new couch I bought came in. I sat down in it and instantly felt relieved. I was just about to lay down and relax when I received the Moyashi's text.

**"Hey, BaKanda. Are you home from work yet?"**

I "tch'd" and sent my reply.

**"No."**

It was less than half a minute before my phone made that familiar buzz that indicated a new message. _"Someone's desperate",_ I thought.

**"Haha, very funny. Do you wanna come to my place to hang out?"**

**"No."**

_Buzz._

**"If you're going to keep using two word answers you might as well just stop replying.."**

**"Bye."**

As I was trying to ignore Allen's motivation to continue texting, I was greeted with the same persistent buzzing every 30 seconds. I finally gave up and ended up throwing the phone to the other side of the couch, hoping to end all further conversations with the Beansprout. I was too worn out to deal with the idiot and all I really wanted was to sit on the couch and take a much-needed break. I was just starting to get comfortable again when my phone started to ring. I didn't need to check the caller ID to have an idea of who it was. _"Damn that Moyashi…"_ I grumbled to myself and got up to answer it.

**"What the fuck do you want…!?"** I snapped, irritation clearly showing through my tone of voice.

**"Nothing, I just wanted to talk. Judging by how you're behaving this evening is it safe to assume that you didn't have a good day?"**

**"Does it matter!?"** I spit into the phone, walking toward the kitchen to get a drink of water.

**"Did your boss make you stay overtime again?"**

The brat ignored my question. And how does he know that my boss always gives me overtime?

**"It's none of your goddamned business! I just wanted to sit down and relax on my new couch after a long day at work but you keep pestering me!"**

I poured myself a glass and made my way back to the couch. I could hear a sigh from the other end of the phone. The bastard's treating me like I'm a fuckin' _child._

**"Look, I know how much you've been working lately and I just wanted to suggest some ways to help you rela—"**

**"The only way you'll be helping me relax is if you hang up and let me lay down on my couch."** I cut him off.

**"That's not what I meant… I was referring to your excess tension."**

**"My what!?"**

He sighed. Again.** "Kanda, what are you wearing right now?"**

**"…The fuck do you want to know?"** I scoffed, suspiciously.

**"Just answer the question."**

Now it was my turn to sigh. **"Fine. A purple wife-beater and boxers."**

**"O-oh. Okay…"**

**"Now are you going to explain to me what all this garbage regarding ****_"excess tension"_**** is about?"** I took in a big mouthful of the cold water.

_**"I don't think I have to."**_ I thought I heard him mumble. **"Hey, Kanda, guess what?"**

I don't answer him of course, (it's physically impossible when you have a mouth full of water) but it turned out I didn't need to. For it was at that precise moment the apparently normal conversation between us drastically changed, for the worst. Or for the better? I don't even know.

**"I'm not wearing anything~"** the Moyashi whispered.

And I did the only logical thing a person in my situation would do.

I spat out my mouthful of water.

…All over my new couch.

I jumped up, enraged at the lunatic who caught me off guard.  
**"What the FUCK!? What kind of sinister joke are you trying to play!? Is this a prank call!? Is that Baka Usagi there with you!? I swear to GOD you are going to fucking PAY for ruining my new couch!"**  
I snarled into the phones microphone as loud as I could. I took a deep breath and yelled once more, just to get my point across. And to let him know I was actually serious.  
**"I'm fucking coming over there right now and you better have your will written out because there is no way you're getting out of this alive this time, Moyashi!"** I reached for my car keys. And my trusty sword, Mugen.

**"My name is ****_Allen,_****"** he shot back, **"And uh… this is a really bad time."**

**"Oh? It's a bad time for you? What about for me, huh!? Do you think I give two flying fucks if it's a bad time or not!?"**

**"N-No— I mean… I'm naked and…"**

**"And..?"**

He sighed in defeat. **"I'm masturbating."**

**"WHAAAT!? WITH ME ON THE OTHER LINE!?"** A slight blush crept across my face, and I instinctively ducked my head to hide it, even though I knew nobody was around to see it.

**"Your voice is just so sexy, I couldn't help myself~"**

**"STOP FUCKING AROUND! ARE YOU HIGH!?"**

**"Only in pleasure. It feels so good~"**

**"Fuck…"**

I could hear his seductive voice, calling to me. Wanting me to come over there and fuc— Shit. This was making me sort of hard. I can hear him moaning and writhing through the phone… and my body was liking it.

**"I'm in the mood, Yu. I'm in the mood for Yu~ You were right. It's all my fault for making you spill water all over your couch. Come over and punish me, Yu. I deserve to be punished~"**

**"I… Hng. What the hell."**

I decided to go with the one thing that needed the most assistance. Instead of thinking with my head, I started thinking with my raging hard-on. If a punishment is what he wants, then a punishment is what he's going to get.

Hours later I returned home, feeling much more relaxed than I had ever felt in my entire life. So, that's what he meant by "excessive tension". As I sat down on my brand new couch, I ran my hand over the already dried stain._ "I'll have to punish him for that later",_ I smirked to myself. Turns out the couch wasn't the only thing good that came out of today after all.

**The End**

* * *

**So there. HAH. Follow/Favourite/Review?**


End file.
